she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
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he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
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i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
I have to watch that.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.