duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.