Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.