so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.