Last Night in California (925)

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• (925): View more from California

  I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties

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• (925): View more from California

  The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.

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• (925): View more from California

  You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.

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• (925): View more from California

  Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.

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• (925): View more from California

  She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.

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• (925): View more from California

  I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction

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• (925): View more from California

  It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.

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• (925): View more from California

  TSA found the edibles

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  Fuck

  (925): View more from California

  Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me

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  God bless California

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• (925): View more from California

  its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.

  (775): View more from Nevada

  want fries with that?

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• (925): View more from California

  Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?

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• (925): View more from California

  I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.

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• (925): View more from California

  I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??

  (510): View more from California

  I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5

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• (925): View more from California

  I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.

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• (925): View more from California

  You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!

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