FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking