Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?