I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.