her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
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I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
pop tarts are not kleenex
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
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....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.