Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.