we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?