I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.