We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.