They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o