I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
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So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Dude, where are you?
... whose car?
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I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close