All the doctor said was why
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles