You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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I broke a rule
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
God has nothing to do with this.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral