thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage