Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Follow @tfln