As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night