Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.