come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.