Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
These tits shall not be calmed
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.