the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I broke a rule
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
God has nothing to do with this.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES