I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway