I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me