I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.