No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
This Twitter User’s Story About Meeting A Notorious Serial Killer Will Leave You Shook
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
20+ Wholesome Memes You Need In Your Life Right Now
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
two words: eviction party
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team