The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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