she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
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we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
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I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh