Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?