She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.