hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.