hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
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Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
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Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.