Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!