Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"