Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.