We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it