I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.