My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.