I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS