There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
