You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party