she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"