Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
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I'm fucking your sister right now.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people