Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If You LOL At These 18 Tweets, You’re Probably A Terrible Person
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm fucking your sister right now.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If You’re One of These 12 Restaurant Customers, Your Server is Definitely Spitting in Your Food
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Good Food, Cheap Beer, and Hot Singles: the Top 13 Cities for Millennials
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people