you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Dating After Heartbreak
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker