My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
