i dont even know how to be here
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk