He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'