How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm fucking your sister right now.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.