mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.