happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends