I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.