You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag