You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
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There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
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