you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it