they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
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He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.