He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals