College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.