Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping