Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.